


Ineffective Spying

by eafay70



Series: A Very Merry "Advent" Calendar [18]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Borussia Dortmund, Established Relationship, M/M, Real Madrid CF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 13:54:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8893201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eafay70/pseuds/eafay70
Summary: André overhears Marc say something about him in Spanish. He decides to figure out exactly what was said. It proves difficult - hilariously so once a certain German and Colombian get involved.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a video in which players and coaches of Sporting CP attempt to teach each other to say "Merry Christmas" in various languages. I suggest you [watch it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMbJz7XN_MU) because it's quite amusing.

André pulled out his phone and started a voice memo. Rather than actually say anything, however, he pretended to play Candy Crush while Marc chatted with his family.  
You see, André and Marc had moved in together a few weeks earlier, following a few months of dating and attempting to learn each other's native language. Given that they were in Germany and playing for the Bundesliga, Marc had many more opportunities to practice German than André had to practice Spanish. This meant that Marc could understand the general themes of André's conversations with the Schürrle family (usually food-related), while André had no idea what Marc discussed with the Bartra family. André hadn't cared about this discrepancy until he heard his name repeated in the conversations. Not wanting to blatantly intrude, he decided to figure out on his own what the conversations were about, hence the voice memo.  
_"Hace tanto frío, no os lo podéis imaginar...¡No quiero que habléis así de mi André!...Sí, lo quiero muchísimo...¡Entonces veníd a visitarnos!"_

Later that afternoon, while Marc prepared a Spanish omelette for dinner, André opened his laptop and searched around for an audio translation website. He played the voice memo, watched the website analyze it, and saw the translated text it produced: _"It makes Fritos...I want not my André!...Yes, I very much...Then he comes!"_  
André knew that couldn't be right. He also knew he had no chance of writing down the conversation correctly so he could type it into Google Translate because Marc spoke very quickly. So he went with the only other option he could think of.

"Hallo?"  
"Hi, Toni, it's André."  
"André! Moin, moin! It's been too long!"  
"Indeed." André took a deep breath. "I need you to translate something Marc said."  
Toni sighed. "I know you're really happy with him, but I have to ask: Are you sure you should be dating a Barcelona man?"  
"In general, maybe not. In the specific case of the Barcelona man currently buying me groceries, yes."  
"OK." Toni sounded relieved. "You know how it is. Sergio Ramos would flamenco-dance all over me if he knew I didn't ask. And he would know if I didn't ask."  
"I don't doubt it. Anyway, do you think you can translate?"  
"Worth a shot."  
André played the voice memo. "He says something similar almost every time he calls home. I have no idea what he's saying, and he knows I have no idea what he's saying, so I'm worried he's complaining or planning to leave or something - Why are you laughing like a hyena, Kroos?!"  
"Hang on...I need to...cariño, ven acá..."  
André groaned.  
"Hallo?" It was James.  
"André, play it again," requested Toni between laughs, "so James can hear what you're so worried about."  
André did so, wishing he had a saner Spanish-speaking friend than Toni. (Though, given that most of his multilingual friends were his Mannschaft teammates playing outside of Germany, he doubted any of them would be sane.)  
"I needed that," laughed James. "Gracias, mi amor."  
"Care to share the joke with its source?" asked André bitterly.  
"OK." Toni calmed down. _"It's so cold, you can't imagine it...I don't want you talking like that about my André!...Yes, I love him very much...So come and visit us!"_  
"That's it?" André didn't see what made it so funny.  
"You could also say _yes, I want him very much_ if you preferred," added James.  
"Oh. Thanks...I think."

The following day, André turned to Google Translate to figure out exactly what to say to Marc. He saw his chance when Marc was setting up their biweekly FIFA tournament.  
_"Cariño...¿por qué no vas a Barcelona para la Navidad?"_ Marc stared at André in shock as he continued. _"¿No tienes ganas de ver tu hogar?"_  
_"Ya lo estoy viendo, mi amor."_ Marc smiled. _"Pero si te interesa, podemos invitar a mi familia. Quieren conocerte."_  
_"Ya lo sé."_ André laughed at how surprised Marc looked. "I recorded your call yesterday and played it for Toni and James. They were highly amused by my level of worry."  
"Oh, Schatz..." Marc kissed André happily. "I don't think you understood what I said when you asked if I wanted to see my home. I'm looking right at it."

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always greatly appreciated!
> 
> I kept the audio translation website unnamed because while I think Google Translate has a function along those lines, I've never seen it used, so I don't know if it'd be as terrible as the story required. ;-D


End file.
